Amy Vanderbilts Book of Etiquette.

We head off down the lane . Wilf in the lead . Barreling along in the morning sunshine . All the trees on the right side of the road carefully sniffed and christened . Time for a pit stop. Then we're off again . Angus deposits a black bag at the side of the road to be picked up on the return journey. At this point , Hugo, the bad tempered Maltese appears. He glares at us from behind a flowerpot in his mistresses front garden. Then , he barks proprietorially, trots out into the lane, examines the recently deposited black bag and , horror of horrors, picks it up. Head held high he disappears with it into the house. That unmistakeable canine " Look what I've found . I'm so clever " pose.

Amy Vanderbilt where are you when needed ? The etiquette of errant poop bags a social minefield . Should I try to retrieve it ? Or go and explain what's happened ? Is my French good enough ? One could be so easily misunderstood . In the end the decision made to do nothing. Angus and Wilf scurry home. Let's pray the plastic bag is stronger than the teeth of a grumpy Maltese . Let's hope that the words ' what have you brought in ? ' aren't being uttered in Hugo's household. Life with a dog in deepest France Profonde . A movement to remember .