Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Amy Vanderbilts Book of Etiquette.



We head off down the lane . Wilf in the lead . Barreling along in the morning sunshine . All the trees on the right side of the road carefully sniffed and christened . Time for a pit stop. Then we're off again . Angus deposits a black bag at the side of the road to be picked up on the return journey. At this point , Hugo, the bad tempered Maltese appears. He glares at us from behind a flowerpot in his mistresses front garden. Then , he barks proprietorially, trots out into the lane, examines the recently deposited black bag and , horror of horrors, picks it up. Head held high he disappears with it into the house. That unmistakeable canine " Look what I've found . I'm so clever " pose.

Amy Vanderbilt where are you when needed ? The etiquette of errant poop bags a social minefield . Should I try to retrieve it ? Or go and explain what's happened ? Is my French good enough ? One could be so easily misunderstood . In the end the decision made to do nothing. Angus and Wilf scurry home. Let's pray the plastic bag is stronger than the teeth of a grumpy Maltese . Let's hope that the words ' what have you brought in ? ' aren't being uttered in Hugo's household. Life with a dog in deepest France Profonde . A movement to remember .

38 comments:

  1. Oh no! this is classic! thanks for a great morning belly laugh,

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  2. What a dilemma. Is the bag traceable?

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  3. Bouncing Bertie - Neither the bag nor the contents are traceable. However, there is only one bag using household in the village .

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    1. I fear that a close analysis of the 'contents' might reveal incriminating remains of a half croissant....

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  4. you couldn't really make this stuff up - great laugh :)
    and gorgeous pictures of Wilf - when I enlarge them they are sooo clear - imagine seeing every hair, speck of dirt and debris in his coat from across the world - I feel like I can touch him! and thats not a dig at his grooming :) just appreciating the details...

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  5. What a laugh! The Hugo household are looking up the correct way to return your bag (and contents).

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  6. Run away!!!!!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

    It's kind of Monty Pythonish.

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  7. I would have done the same as you, Angus--And if it were me, I would also change the kind/color of bags I use and take a different route!

    THANKS for the laugh at the start of my day!!!

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  8. Can I just repeat what Kim said because that's what I wanted to say too? Great minds think alike.

    I would have done the same as you, Angus--And if it were me, I would also change the kind/color of bags I use and take a different route!

    THANKS for the laugh at the start of my day!!!

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  9. I believe that no one could have the language down well enough to explain that black bag Angus. Thanks for the morning 'laugh out loud'

    Cut to Hugo's house...."Mom? hey Mom? Look what I found!"

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  10. Shock, crisis, bewilderment without Wilf noticing - love your way to write about things - look what I have got attitude very strong also in my gang - Kiri brought in the thing dried without bag... - had to tell him that it wasn't wonderful - he has stopped immediately. Love from southern Italy Susanne, Daisy, Foxiie and Kiri

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  11. I think my comment was lost, so trying again - thanks for a great laugh, Angus, and we hope Hugo's people don't come knocking on your door......and Wilf looking suitably handsome, as ever.

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  12. Oh my god! I think this episode will make it into the screenplay. I wish I had been there.
    Thanks for the belly laugh.

    This reminds me of my own "get it later" poo bag story. After collecting the deposit on the road near my house, I tossed the bag back up into my yard. I had to make a couple of attempts as the slippery bag kept sliding down the hill. I was caught in the act by another walker who sarcastically shouted:" That should improve the beauty of their garden." I had to explain that it was my own garden. I don't think he bought my explanation.

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  13. Time for that "je suis desole!" Madame, "mais..." I hope Hugo's owner is not equally bad tempered. Pauvre Hugo!

    A classic indeed.

    Joan

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  14. How funny....except that the French do not always see the funny side of things like we do.....I would have adopted the "nothing to do with me" tactic, as my French is definitely not up to it!!

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  15. Hilarious! I can already picture the scene in the movie!

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  16. I think this is the funniest thing you have ever written. Hilarious!

    Cindy

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  17. Almost lost my coffee on the last line "movement to remember".

    Very funny dilemma!

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  18. i wondered why wilfee was laughing so big in the first picture.
    he knew!!!
    oh my god. i so needed this laugh today. you'll never know!
    you and the tiniest polar bear... gentelemen to the core!
    it just gets better and better. you've got to write a picture book.
    oh ... but then all the "culprits" would be public.
    but then you could say... "oui! but tres celebre!!!"
    oh my love and very special tummy rub,
    tammy j

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  19. Can you hear Mr. O & me laughing?

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  20. too funny !!
    & barreling is good ... very good
    woofs & wags from Black Street

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  21. Laughing my head off...Oh laughter is GOOD medicine... ;-p You probably did the right thing...remain anonymous...especially in France! We drop our bags too, since on the return trip - we pick them up...but one night the bag was not to be found...Hubs looked and looked - finally gave up in frustration...figured the homeowners must have driven in and seen the bag on their curb and disposed of it...Since this causes a 5 minute "stop-and-search" delay in the dog's constitutional...it's not a circumstance that causes gratitude...lol!! Grumpiness is the inevitable result of someone taking our bagged byproduct of an evening walk! Thanks for the laugh! I'm imagining a lot of French shouting going on...LOL.

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  22. Hahahahahaha. Thanks boys for the belly laugh!!!! Although I am sorry about such unfortunate thievery, it sure made my morning! Best punch line EVER! xoxo

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  23. Angus, what a hoot! Village headlines now: Manic Maltese Misappropriates Malodorous Muck!

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  24. I laughed till I cried. I think you should make a game of it and see if the little grouch will continue retrieving bags. So funny!

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  25. Oh M'Ongoose - thanks for the morning laugh :-)

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  26. That has got to be THE funniest thing I have ever read!! I am sitting at my desk, chuckling under my breath....too funny. Thanks for the laugh! Wilf looks pleased with himself in the photos today! Keep on going Wilf!

    With love from your Canadian pals,
    Dianna along with Tor, Willow and Tucker

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  27. Oh.
    My husband does the same thing. Leave the bag (ours are green) to be picked up on the way home. I think we need to rethink this.
    We are laughing so hard here!

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  28. Perhaps Hugo has Corophragia and never misses a chance to eat a poop or two. Lots of dogs do this, y'know! He probably has a special place in his backyard he does this.

    Go, Hugo, Go!

    Cheers,
    Stella, Jo and Zkhat

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  29. I am laughing so hard that I'm crying! What would Emily have thought if there were poop bags to worry about when she wrote her book on manners? I would probably laugh out loud every time I passed that house, too.

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  30. This gives new meaning to the old saying, "one man's trash is another man's treasure". Too funny!

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  31. OMG! I am horrified! I actually think you are, as well! Don't know WHAT I would have done!

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  32. Did you head home humiliated by what had happened but once inside break into uncontrollable laughter?
    As a previous poster said, you couldn't make this stuff up!
    A chilled bottle of champagne, good label and year, might make good insurance.

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  33. I carry a shopping bag to hold the all the black baggies my crew fill on our walks. Have a great evening Wilf.

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  34. Hahaha, poor Hugos owner, thinking he bought in a treat. Maybe you should drop some flowers in at their place.

    Love the photos Wilfie, your hair looks wild.

    Julie and Poppy Q
    xxx

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  35. After laughing my head off this morning, I remembered hearing about a development here in South Florida that was so concerned about folks not picking up after their dogs that they required all dogs to have DNA tests so any leftovers could be sampled and the guilty owners SHAMED!! And fined, I believe.

    Joan



    Joan

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  36. Haha, I think the joke is on Hugo!

    Wyatt

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