Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Not so quickly !

It was a strong anti-emetic . Wilf lifted from the back of the car and laid , still dozing , on his bed . He sleeps soundly. Quite immovable . After breakfast we call the vet . It's a national holiday in France . We'd forgotten. The surgery closed . Open again tomorrow. An emergency vet we don't know available in a town forty kilometres away . No thanks . 

By lunchtime Wilf seems  better. Weak, but better. The amazing ' not so quickly ' miracle dog.  A small meal of kibbles and shredded chicken eaten with enthusiasm . Amid much laughter he even manages to christen the peonies . In the late afternoon a slow walk, more a plod, across the  village green to the war memorial. Those big paws sinking into the long grass. A deep sleep in the orchard until midnight. Wind rustling his fur. What determination. What zest for life. We go to bed hopeful. That roller coaster of emotions that comes with an old dog .

This morning ' the font ' has to head back to London. So many arrangements to make, people to see , certificates to get signed . Wilf wanders out to the peonies, returns and promptly brings up yesterdays food . All of it . He looks crestfallen. I'll call the vet this morning. I'd really like to put off the moment, that moment , until ' the font ' gets back on the first flight tomorrow. If I can't ...


  1. Oh Angus - my heart breaks for you all. You know our dear Wilf better than any other. PLEASE be sure that this is the time - does he still have a quality of life? is he in pain? - I'm certainly no expert but if Wilf still wants to battle on...
    My love and thoughts are with you. Gentle hugs to the wee polar baby X

  2. Hearts are breaking around the world. Almost two years to the day. Coincidence?

    1. Coincidence ? The font made the same comment last night . We chuckled at the thought of a reunion two years on.

  3. Dear Wilf, sending you butterfly kisses and gentle hugs.

    xxxx (for Wilf)
    (and hugs to Angus and 'the font' too).

  4. i am somewhat comforted by the thought of a reunion of the two for over two years i have been here everyday..time rolls on regardless..whatever happens today will be the right thing ...xx

  5. When i wrote my comments yesterday, it was 22h15 (i wrote 10h15...), and cannot find any rest during the night, thinking to Wilfee boy.
    Nice to see he is still with you and us.
    We all, around the world are with you, Angus, and Lady Font.

  6. Oh Angus, if it is at all possible to wait, then wait, of course, as Anon says above, only if there is real suffering. Somehow, I just 'knew' it was time with both of my cats, who lived to be 19 and 21. There were tremendous signs...but the real 'know' was evident. Should I have waited that long until the 'know' was eveident? I question that...but the true 'know' made me realize it truly was time.
    I pray that you will all be together 'then'...and I pray peaceful strength for whenever that time arrives...for all.
    So many caring thoughts are with you...
    Loving hugs to Wilf, and to the both of you as well.
    xo J~

  7. It is the last and the best thing we can do for our friends. Bless you all on your dilemma. Love from us all.

  8. Tears yesterday and tears today. I guess you CAN'T lie to us. You will surely do the right thing, no matter how it hurts. I've had to do this 5 times now, and it breaks my heart every time.

    There's a Kipling poem, you know? He seems a little hackneyed these days but it does sum up what we all do. I thought it especially appropriate to a man of finance.

    There is sorrow enough in the natural way
    From men and women to fill our day;
    And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
    Why do we always arrange for more?
    Brothers and Sisters, I bid you beware
    Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

    Buy a pup and your money will buy
    Love unflinching that cannot lie--
    Perfect passion and worship fed
    By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
    Nevertheless it is hardly fair
    To risk your heart for a dog to tear.

    When the body that lived at your single will,
    With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!);
    When the spirit that answered your every mood
    Is gone--wherever it goes--for good,
    You will discover how much you care,
    And will give your heart for the dog to tear.

    We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
    When it comes to burying Christian clay.
    Our loves are not given, but only lent,
    At compound interest of cent per cent.
    Though it is not always the case, I believe,
    That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
    For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
    A short-time loan is as bad as a long--
    So why in Heaven (before we are there)
    Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

    You are all in my Scots Presbyterian prayers today

  9. Angus, this is so sad, but if Wilfy really is now entering the final phase of his incredible life, I know that he is there surrounded by love at home and a thousand warm thoughts are wafting across him from all corners of the globe.
    Love and hugs to all of you,
    Gail and Bertie.

  10. Oh Angus, I too am sitting typing with tears falling and heart heavy and hurting. As any person owned by a dog can tell you , when the time comes you will know as will darling Wilf. I have been there myself too many times and as painful as it is I know in my heart that the choice I have made has been right for each of them but that does not make the pain any less or the emptiness of the home and fuller.
    But there are so many of us all around the world who have taken this journey with you, the font and Darling Wilf and who will be thinking of you all, praying for you and keeping you in our hearts at this closing chapter. I know you will do what ever is best for Wilf Angus and put his needs first as you have done throughout, you and the font have my complete and total admiration as I am not sure I could have made a journey like this half as well as you and she have.
    I can picture a joyful brotherly reunion though ...... what a sight that would be to behold.

    With much love

  11. Wilf's has been a life that has shone so brightly for so many of us. Thank you Angus for sharing him with us. As others have said, you will know when it's really time. Our last act of love.

  12. PArticular condolences to the font losing her mother and having to deal with this too. What an awful week for you both.
    We know, and I am sure she does, that you will do what is right for dear Wilf.
    Has it really been two years. Not long enough and yet more than thought possible.
    A reunion does help the tears.
    Second lot today...

  13. You'll know when Wilfie has decided x

  14. Dear Angus, I still have that lump in my throat this morning with what's to come for precious Wilf. I wish you courage and strength. My love and prayers for you all cross the great expanse of land and sea and may you continue to be surrounded with peace and comfort.

    PS. Again...thank-you for keeping us up to date--You are all on my mind constantly.

  15. Dearest Wilf, you will no doubt help Angus and the Font out one more time by letting them know it's your time to join Digby - ultimately, a joyous time it will be. Angus, we hold you, the Font, and Wilf in our hearts.

  16. Memories of a final journey with a beloved cat come rushing when I read this post. I can still feel the pain and a kind of guilt, althought I knew there were no other option. I know you and the font are also in pain. And that Wilf had the best life, and still has.
    You are in my thoughts.

  17. All your commenters speak so well for the many readers who probably don't comment, like me who catches up with Wilf's adventures daily, but rarely comments. Thank you for sharing these last, glory days of a most excellent and well-loved dog.

  18. What a sad time. My condolences to your family right now, and many prayers that Wilf has a few miracles left in him! I adore Wilf and my heart is with you!

  19. Keeping you all in my heart today. Thank Wilf for all of the life lessons.

  20. still with you all....

    Blessings and Love,
    Janelle, Maggie Mae and Max

  21. Wilf, Angus and the Font...heartbreakingly beautiful posts. We're right beside you.

  22. my heart is your heart.
    i'm finding it difficult to speak.

  23. Oh dear, I am so sorry to read about the situation. I wish our dogs lived forever, or at least as long as we do. I got a reminder of how it isn't like that just a couple of days ago... for us there was still a turn for the better but I know one day there won't be and that day can come any day. If for you this is the time with no turn for the better, I send you warm thoughts and strength from the bottom of my heart.

  24. thinking of you this day...some moments in life are hard....nothing at all except very Hard...courage.

  25. Keeping you in my thoughts - he is Mr. Miracle dog - so we keep hoping in further magic - love Susanne, Daisy,Foxiie and Kiri

  26. Oh no. I was hoping yesterday's post was perhaps just a little blip. As I look at our 3 and know that 2 are in the winter of their lives, you have got to hold on to just a bit of hope. One more day, one more month....that's all we ask. That's all I ask for Wilf. Keep on going Wilf, darling boy.

    With lots of love from your Canadian pals,
    Dianna along with Tor, Willow and Tucker

  27. Dear, dear Wilf. I hope that you have a peaceful walk with Angus today and that the font is back soon. We are thinking of you, knowing how painful this must be for Angus but hopefully not for you. Sweet Wilf...

  28. Sending love and prayers your way, dear Angus. Many of your readers have come to a day like this, myself included. I hope in some mystical way you can feel the worldwide support and outpouring of love from your readers. Thank you for sharing Wilf's incredible journey and indomitable spirit with all of us, we have been blessed. Thank you, Wilf, for teaching us about true love, and for being the best and bravest canine companion any man or woman could wish for. Tapadh leat. Tack så mycket. Merci mille fois. Thank you. Godspeed, and may your journey be gentle.

    Purple Magpie and family in California

  29. Thinking of all of you last night and this morning. Much love to the valient.

  30. Dear sweet Wilf - we're all holding you close today.

  31. Blessings and prayers for The Font and Angus. None are needed for the "willful one". He more than fulfilled his life promises and taught us all much about the best parts of living. He will be playing with his brother soon and watching over his people from another place. It is assured.
    Now he will teach us about death with dignity and how to celebrate the remarkable gift of his life that we have all been given. He is in our hearts and will live there forever.

  32. I cannot say it any better than previous commenters have. Ongoose, Font and Wilfie-you are in our hearts and prayers.

  33. Dear Angus, I have been reading Wilf's blog regularly for quite some time, after reading the previous blog, catching up from 2009. For some reason, I missed where you said Granny Font had passed away, and I feel terrible that I did not know this. I know you received a phone call at 3:20 am, after Wilf let out a howl. I did not put it all together, till I read the condolences in your comments. Being so caught up with Wilf, I am truly sorry not to have realized what the "Font" was going through. Having just lost my own dear mother just three months ago, I am very aware and sensitive to the hardships going on. And now with sweet Wilf.....please accept my sincere and heart felt sympathy, for the loss of Granny Font, and for what is happening with Wilf. I am a devoted reader, and feel so deeply for you all.

  34. Angus - My thoughts and prayers are with you and the font. Wilf has been a part of my daily life since I first came upon this blog over two years ago. Here is what I wrote about that moment when I gave my dog Tanner the final gift of love- peace and no more pain.


    Lives are made of years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds, relentlessly ticking away. Moment by moment, strung together equals the sum of what and who we are- moment by moment. I am sitting here on this cold tile floor trying with all my might to stop that enemy called time. You are lying next to me, panting nervously- you never did like this place. This is the moment that I have been dreading from the first time I saw you. Oh it was a fleeting thought while you where young and full of energy just a slight shadow that intruded every now and then, someday, someday… Then one day that shadow became a fear as I noticed the grey on your muzzle and realized that time had been marching on and our moments together were precious not to be wasted. Today that fear became a reality.

    I am crying as the vet comes in to give you a sedative. Jim, has been talking about what a great life you have had, all the hikes, runs, camping trips-he stops abruptly and stares at the ceiling. The vet gives you a shot and tells us that this will help calm you down and make you sleepy. We know. we have been through this twice already in the last year. Jim feeds you dog biscuits which you gobble up. You lick away my tears and lay your head down with a sigh. I am sobbing now, burying my face in your furry neck I feel each breath you take. The vet comes back in the room; I hear the clipper buzz as she shaves off a spot on your hind leg. I take a quick glance and see that she is about to administer the shot. I hold on to you, to this moment your last and my first with out you. I feel your last breath and still I hold on. But time stops for no one and the next moment pushes its way into life and you are gone.

  35. Sending strength and love to you all.

  36. I hope he holds on until you can all be together.

  37. A life lived well, with dignity and much purpose. I have enjoyed reading of your daily adventures for quite some time now. Thank you for sharing and know that you are in all our thoughts at this oh so difficult time.

  38. Wilf will soldier on until his flock is again intact. . Everything as it should be, no ends left undone, his mind at rest. Then he will let you know that it is his time to lay his heavy burden down and join those who have gone before.
    Our love and support are with you during these painful hours.

  39. Much love to Wilf from all of us at Wild Dingo. And to his family. Its a heavy price we pay for their companionship and unconditional (ok sometimes conditioned on biscuits) love and the joy they bring us. But there's nothing else like the love of our canine companions. You've done well by Wilf. Beyond well.

    Lots of love and strength from all of us.

  40. Shedding tears for you and your dear Wilf it's so hard to go through this but he has you two to do what is right.

  41. Many tears from your friends in San Francisco who share your anguish now. We send much love to the whole family of this gentle furry beastie. Thank you, Angus, for sharing Wilfie with the world. He will be remembered by so many of us for many years to come because of your beautifully written chronicles. We have his Christmas photo with his little tongue showing in front of us now. Blessed little journey until we meet again.

  42. Holding Wilf in our thoughts and know there is love coming his way from all over the world..DBH

  43. Sending love to you so that you can be strong...and sweet, sweet love to Wilfie.

  44. My heart is heavy.....Sending PON kisses and wiggles to my friend Wilf from Bev and Rupiec xxxxxx

  45. That sound you hear is the sound of hearts breaking around the world for one dearly loved family fellow who has brought so much joy to our lives.

    Oh Angus, we ache for you and the font at this moment we all have dreaded.


  46. I wish I had a way with words. I think 'Jake of Florida' wrote exactly what I feel. Hearts are breaking. So much joy has been given to so many all over the world by this small polar bear.

    I thank you for sharing Wilf with me!

  47. His online flock has gathered as well. I am heart-broken but imagining the joyful reunion when those two polar bear cub brothers are together again. Please don't silence your wonderful voice, Angus. Too many of us to count awake each day to your wit and wisdom.

  48. Dear Angus, I have not been blogging for months, but every day from my blackberry I check in on you, "the font" and Wilf. I pray every time that Wilf will be having a good day. He has had so many :) I'm writing with tears in my eyes, hoping.... So selfish of me, as we all have to let Wilf go if it is his time. But still, I hope.

    Please know that there is someone miles away thinking of you all, and snuggling her little westie tightly. Wilf has taught me just how precious each day I have with him truly is.

  49. I believe that if any dog can feel, truly feel, the love that is flowing for him all around the world, then Wilf can. All dogs are special, and Wilf especially so.

    Thank you for so kindly and gently sharing these last days with us.


  50. I have loved listening to Wilf's special days shared with you and the photos. I am so truly sorry for what you are going through. I send a special heartfelt wish to you and your wife.

    God Speed to you both and to that beloved Wilf. Take good care.


  51. Sending our love - Susan, Winnie Dixon & Samuel

  52. There are no words, just a bowed head and a heavy heart, I, and doubtless many others, have followed Wilfs ponderings over the last 18 months and I have smiled, laughed and shed tears along the way. Wilf is an amazing chap who has been so dearly loved, he couldn't have been in a better place. I hope you find strength in the loving words of all those who follow and love this sterling chap.

  53. I have been following your blog daily for a long time. I don't comment often, but you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Old dogs are so special and Wilf exceptionally so. I have been through this many times. It does not get any easier. Wilf will tell you when he is ready to begin his new adventure. I know you will listen to him. So many others have said so well what I am feeling for you, too. My heart aches for you. Wilf is a very lucky and blessed dog to have had you and the font as his "flock". His journey has truly been a miracle!
    Blessings and hugs to all of you,
    Joan (mom), Skye and the Moondance Huskies from Connecticut

  54. Are you coming then? asked God.
    Soon, replied the whiskered angel
    But I must come slowly
    For my human friends are troubled
    For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

    But don't they understand? asked God
    That you'll never leave them?
    That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
    That nothing is created or destroyed?
    It just is....forever and ever and ever.

    Eventually they will understand,
    Replied the glorious dog
    For I will whisper into their hearts
    That I am always with them
    I just am....forever and ever and ever.

  55. I am thinking of Wilf. Prayers for Wilf, yourself, and the font.

  56. Prayers for Wilf, you, and the font. Wilf is much loved.

  57. Sending my love to you all.


  58. My thoughts, my heart, and my prayers coming your way. We all love Wilfie so much. Hugs

  59. 7am, 10 May, waiting for this mornings update, on the edge of my seat, hoping so much that no news is good news. The last day I can check in this month. I wish I could make a westerly detour on my journey to the convent straight to you, Wilfie Pon, but I know that you are in the safest of hands. I send you kisses, gentle strokes and cast eyes upon you that reflect the love I hold for you in my heart. Be strong, brave, content and comfortable. I hope that when I next switch my computer on I discover that a few croissants have been enjoyed.
    Thank you for sharing Angus
    Teena & Merlin xx