Tuesday, April 13, 2010

If it looks like a Honda.

The hot weather has driven the garden into overdrive. The grass is no longer just growing it's shooting upwards at what appears to be a rate of a foot a day. Time to buy a lawnmower. In the store there were acres of lawnmowers on display but my eye was caught by a grey and red sporty little number with Honda written all over it. With name brand recognition you've got to feel pretty sure that all the basics have been ironed out by the time it comes to market.

Got the box with the machine inside loaded into the back of the little Volkswagen. It squeezed in with barely a milimetre to spare on either side - a sure sign from above that this was the product for me. Imagine my surprise then when unpacking the contents to find a manufacturers warranty from a completely different company. It was not a Honda but a machine powered by a Honda engine. Those kind folk at the Harbin Peoples Liberation Army Lawn Mower Factory #5 have cleverly notched up another customer. There followed an hour of mounting frustration putting the thing together - only our friends in the PRC could have produced an assembly booklet of such fiendish nonsensicality. The figure in the bib overalls and the baseball cap seemed to be outlining a dance routine not putting together a lawnmower. This is how western civilization ends.

The horrid thing is now assembled and working after a fashion. I have been left with a large black plastic triangle, three bolts and a length of cable that seem to be surplus to requirement. This of course may explain why the dreaded device refuses to pick up the grass and put it in the hopper.

'The font' took an enthusiastic Digby down to see the snarling Claudette this morning. Over breakfast it was agreed that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. 'The fonts' ever charitable view is that Claudette could easily pass for thirteen - in the dark with the light behind her. It's been suggested that maybe the boyz should have their eyes tested the next time we go to the vets. Perhaps love is blind - there can be no other logical, or indeed illogical, explanation for Digby's infatuation.


  1. ha! so funny! love the illustrations on how to start the mower!!
    yes, indeed Dig....you may need your eyes checked....or maybe the snarling is all a cover and Dig can see right through it!? :)

  2. What I love are the Happy Faces and the Sad faces on the instruction sheet! Just in case one can't decifer the illustrations for Clyde Kadiddlehopper's dance. And perhaps Digby isn't going for looks. After all, in a dog's world, it's the scent. Claudette must be truly odiferous!

  3. As I share my dwelling (and life!) with a terrier (don't dare say I "own" him!) who is infatuated with any white fluffy dog, particularly of the Maltese or Shitzu variety, I think there must be some ancient canine connection between the wiry and the fluffy. Petey is a sweetheart, but I am often reminded that the word "terrorist" is a derivative of "terrier."

  4. Oh, I had a good giggle over that lawnmower assembly guide! My dad taught agricultural mechanics until he retired and I was often tasked with reading the assembly manuals to him for all sorts of crazy things. Inevitably, he'd yell at me for not reading it right, then he'd finally take it from me and then curse for a while about Chinese instruction manuals!

    Is there any chance of seeing a picture of the object of Digby's infatuation? I admit to a high degree of curiosity on the subject now!

  5. My mom loved the comment about the dance routine instructions! Tell Digby to keep it up with Claudette, she'll give in eventually and stop snarling.

    Jesse and mom

  6. that assembly guide is a riot!
    "you put your right foot in...you put your right foot out...you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself about!" ;)
    i'd also like to see a photo of digby's new girl!

    the booker man's mama

  7. From where I sit, I am too, too happy that mowing, and the assemblage of said mower, are jobs best suited to the male of the species. How could it possibly have been difficult with all those smiley faces cheering you on??

    And Digby just likes a strong woman, no doubt. One who could assemble her own lawn mower.

  8. Be careful where you put your feet - those instructions are hilarious!!

    So Digby is seeing the "come-hither" through the snarls - better that that the other way around.

  9. I chuckled over your assembly instructions... I just bought a coffee machine with similar instruction in about 10 different languages. The big problem was the diagram of the machine had the part labeled ONLY in Italian. Oh my.

    I can visualize Digby with glasses. Now that would be a hoot! But, Claudette might like him even less with glasses :)

  10. Maybe it's because she's playing 'hard to get'. Once she stops snarling, he'll lose interest!

    We have a misogynist lawnmower: no woman has never been able to start it. Therefore, lawnmowing only occurs when there is a man around. Perhaps I need to dance with it!

    XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella